Jesus gave up his own life, he was not forced, he didn’t have to, but LOVE, his very essence, did this for us. It’s too much to contain. That level of humility cannot be comprehended fully. His ministry on earth was in the same Spirit, Jesus came to SERVE and to GIVE and to DIE, he never Lorded it over others though he had every right to, being GOD, instead, he counted his divinity as nothing, he did not consider equality with God something to be grasped or clang to. Jesus walked on this earth with no place to lay his head, he walked on foot hundreds of miles to preach the gospel, he ate what his disciples ate, he stood in the background, did not advertise himself, he placed other interests above his own, he wrapped a towel around his waist and washed his disciples feet, an act that his disciples felt very uneasy about since they knew he was God, Jesus was moved with compassion when he saw crowds of people who did not know God, he was moved with compassion over the plight of an adulterous woman, a widowed bereaved woman whose only son had died, a Samaritan immoral woman, Mary a demon possessed sinful woman, a lying thieving tax collector, a rich fool, a dirty insane, naked demonized man, a crowd who had nothing to eat after listening to him preach for days. Jesus lived for others, not for himself or his comfort. Many times he was interrupted by crowds on his way to prayer and he took time to give them the good news.

Jesus taught his disciples that whoever wanted to be great must be the servant of all, if anyone wanted to be first he must be the slave of all. He told his disciples not to Lord it over others as the gentiles (worldly people) do, he taught them love, humility, dying to self importance and self denial and when we read the book of Acts and the epistles and see the lives of the early apostles we see the same Spirit of humility in them, they did not live to amass things, fame, credit or importance, they lived to serve, give of themselves and die! Apostle Paul gave up his right as an apostle to receive support for his ministry many times, just so that he could lead people to Jesus and teach them the Spirit of servant hood, humility and love. Though the word of God gave him the right to be supported financially and fed through his ministry, he gave up this right and worked and toiled and even helped others with his sweat even though he was busy raising up multitudes of churches and travailing night and day for them in prayer. Paul did not live an easy life, he chose a tough life, I imagine he didn’t sleep much, he didn’t rest, he didn’t have time to sit back and relax like many of us do. He didn’t have medical insurance, a beach house, country house, personal driver, investment portfolio like many of today’s preachers, he poured out his life to preach Jesus at his own emotional, physical, spiritual cost. LOVE compelled him, he never complained.

Today we see such a contrary spirit in many of us Christians, we want recognition, we want to be known, seen, heard, acknowledged, we want everyone to know what our ministry is doing, what we have accomplished, how many souls we have won today, how wonderfully anointed we are, we go out of our way to promote ourselves just to prove and show that we are servants of God. We want to be seen and heard.  We use the ways of this world to “promote” the gospel. The gospel does not need promoting and neither do we, we are mere servants. He has placed this treasure in JARS of CLAY. Though Jesus spoke such things as not letting your right hand know what your left hand is doing, praying in secret, fasting incognito, giving secretly, we want everyone to know what we have done, why? It’s human pride, the self nature that always wants to be acknowledged and seen. If we did things in secret and no one knew it pains us, we feel that it’s not enough, we want someone to know, we forget that he who sees in secret is he that matters and is he that rewards, we forget that Jesus said that if we do things to be seen by men we will have no reward from our father in heaven, we shall have received our reward ( being seen by men).

We want to be congratulated and praised. “sister you led worship so beautifully”, brother, you’re so anointed, you can really peach”, “no one can preach like you, wow”, “sister, I’ve never heard anyone worship like you”, we like praise and we receive it shamelessly, we take his glory! What do we have that we did not receive? We like titles and big ‘anointed’ names. “o you’re such a mighty woman/man of God”, “ bishop” etc. we glory in these names and acknowledgement and walk puffed up with pride. We want to be the man or woman of the hour. Jesus let go of his rights, they were not important, is he not the one that said call no one father or rabbi, for you have one father, God in heaven? He knew who he was. When the a man called him “good,”, he told him” why do you call me good, there’s no one good but the father”, he gave the glory back to God.

Apostle Paul counted all the credentials and titles and honor he had as a religious leader DUNG (rubbish) after he came to know Christ. Now he gloried in calling himself “the chief of sinners”, the “least of the Apostles’, “a slave of Christ”. Paul knew who he was as well, he knew he was nothing without God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, he knew anything he was, was merely Christ in him, he deserved no glory! Why do we think we are better than Jesus, than Apostle Paul, than all the great men and women of God? They walked in great power and authority, miracles, signs & wonders, they turned the world upside down, the apostles are seated with Jesus in the heavenly council, they will judge the 12 tribes of Israel, the city of God has their names in the foundation stones, yet they counted themselves as nothing. Peter felt so unworthy to die like Christ that he chose to be crucified upside down! They became servants and slaves of all, they lived as nobodies on earth giving glory to God and now they are great in heaven, where it counts!!!!

Lord, help us to be more like you!

“Take my yoke on you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and you shall find rest to your souls. – Jesus (Matthew 11:29)

“So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.”- Jesus (Luke 17:10

In his love,

Mwendwa

Website: www.unmeritedgrace.wordpress.com

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“He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all…” Romans 8:32

God the greatest lover and giver of all, that great, merciful, awesome and gracious God demonstrated his love for sinners by giving of himself, sending Jesus the beloved in whom “dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily” (Col 2:9) to die and give of himself and all he was (even his glory and deity) that we may have life and be reconciled back to God. God by his unfathomable amazing grace did not withhold anything, but gave his best, his all for us! How he loves us. God is love!

God set the example by his love and expects the same from us in reciprocation of what he has done and continues to do for us. He desires and longs for all of us too! He wants us to give to him all we are! Our very lives! With that he is well pleased. He has bought us from this world with his son’s blood to be his very own possession. We are no longer our own but belong to him!

Jesus said it all when he said “you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength: this is the first commandment.”(Mark 12:30). He said this was the first and greatest commandment, no other work; no other command was greater than this. To love God with heart, soul, mind, strength, is to love him with all we are, our very being!

The life he has called us to, bought us into is a life of being given wholly to him. It is no longer we who live but Christ lives in us. The cross changed everything, we no longer belong to ourselves, nor have rights over ourselves. We are his possession, created in Christ Jesus to Love the father and glorify him. We have died to who we ever were and now we live to and for God.

To die costs everything. It’s easy to try to hold on to who we are, what we want, what we desire, what we know and give God only what is convenient or easy, but he is not satisfied with less than our very lives. Jesus said “whosoever would save his life/ seek to save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake, the same shall save/preserve it.”(Luke 9:24; Luke 17:33). The dead have no rights, neither are they concerned with self preservation, they are after all dead. And this is the life we are called to live. A life of dying to who we are and say as Paul “for me to live is Christ”, “But God forbid that I should glory (boast), except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified to me, and I to the world.” (Galatians 6:14)

 If we try to save our lives we will lose them. If we try to keep part of who we are for ourselves, we will lose our lives (be separated from God).

It’s easy to give God what cost nothing, what is comfortable and politically correct and easy, but keep away from God that which we want to keep for ourselves, but God says, ‘Lose your life for my sake and you will keep it. Deny yourself, take up your cross daily (die daily) and follow me’. We must die to our own dreams, ambitions, interests, reputations, desires, importance and surrender all we are to God that he may do as he will with us and live through us. What do we love more than God or second to God or equal to God, what defines us and identifies us that we would not give up for him? He says he alone must be first and Great and God in our lives. “You shall have no other gods before me”. Jesus said is we even love our children, spouses, parents or our own lives more than him we are not worthy of him. Yes he must be first even above family. He is a jealous God; he will share his place, his glory with no other.

Abraham, ready to kill his very own beloved long awaited son for the love of God, he pleased God and it was accounted to him as righteousness. He was a friend of God, he pleased God. God gave his testimony after he tested his heart “for now I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son from me.” (Genesis 22:12)

David said “neither will I offer burnt offerings to the LORD my God of that which does cost me nothing” (2 Samuel 24:24)

O sacrifice costs something, it costs everything, but the sacrifices of God are a broken and contrite heart, the sacrifices of God are not in works and doings, but in giving all we are “I beseech you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies (your entire being, your all) a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service” (Romans 12:1)

Such a heart, wholly given to him, desires him alone and would do anything for the lover of its soul. The cry of such a heart is described in David’s hearts cry to the Lord in Psalms 63 :“O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.  I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.  Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.”

David’s throne, his kingship, his wealth meant nothing to him, they were but a worship unto the Lord, his soul cry was always “ more of you God” and God saw this longing and soul thirst and desperation and granted it. David was a man after his own heart.  A broken heart he will never despise or deny. He has said “Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.”Matthew 5:6

He shall fill the heart that hunger and thirsts after who he is: his righteousness. He shall satisfy such a heart with no less that more of him and his righteousness and glory. He longs for such worshippers; he is pleased with the sacrificial giving of all we are to him. When we break open the alabaster boxes of our lives to him he memorializes that worship and giving and satisfies such a heart. He longs to be chased and sought and he has promises “YOU shall seek me, and find me, when you shall search for me with all your heart” Jeremiah 29:13

In his love,

Mwendwa

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Wherever you are right now, however you are, whatever you have, that is enough for God.

God is never limited or terrified by our lack or needfulness. He says, what you have right now is exactly more than enough; it’s what he need to work in and through you.

The world’s standards are NEVER God’s standards. The world thrives in showmanship and achievement and credentials. Those considered to be the ‘who’s who ‘in this life have earned that title because of achievement, they have wealth, knowledge, expertise, talent, fame, eloquence. The world is awed and wowed by achievement and STUFF, but God does not work that way. “For the LORD sees not as man sees; for man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart. “ (1 Samuel 16:7)

God can use you right where you’re at. He does not call the qualified, HE QUALIFIES THE CALLED. In HIM is all we need to be and do what we need to be and do. In HIM. That’s why he says that “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). God is looking for yielded vessels, not perfect vessels; Vessels willing to admit and confess weakness, and lean on him for HIS STRENGTH.

If we believed we have what it took to be of service to God, then we would boast in ourselves and think we deserved to be used by him. The glory would come back to us, after all we will think we had it in us, why then would we need God?

God asked Moses “What is that in your hand?”(Exodus 4:2), Moses has a stick. He was busy telling God what he didn’t have, but God was asking what do you have? Moses told God he had a stick. What is a stick, it was nothing in Moses eyes, and in human eyes, but God knew that stick when given to him (God) would be the ROD OF GOD, a miracle working tool. It’s not about what we have; it’s what we have given to God that makes the difference. That stick was nothing in itself, but used by God, it was a Power tool.

The little boy had only 5 loaves and 2 fish. It wasn’t much considering the number of people who needed to be fed. In human eyes, this was nothing. What good were 5 loaves and 2 fish when a multitude needed to be fed? But the boy gave it to Jesus and in his hands it was MORE THAN ENOUGH to feed the thousands. It was multiplied in Jesus hands. It was not about what the boy had or how insignificant it was, but what it could be, surrendered to the Lord.

God does not see as man sees. That nothing you have is what he’s asking for. He simply says “give it to me” and see what I can do with it. But you have to GIVE it to him in faith believing something good can come out of NOTHING. Isn’t he the God who spoke into nothing and created everything?” In the beginning … the earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep” (Genesis 1:1, 2), there was nothing. But all he did was speak, and all that nothing became something spectacular.  Nothing is too hard for him.

Gideon thought having a multitude of 30,000 with him would equip him for the task God had called him to, but God did not need numbers to use Gideon or win the great battle ahead “lest Israel boast over me, saying, ‘My own hand has saved me”(said the Lord-Judges 7:2). And to prove it he trimmed Gideon’s army to 300. He had to show Gideon that his trust had to be on God not on his resources. What were 300 against the large army they would face? In human eyes, it was a suicide mission, but to God this was an opportunity to show that strength is not in man’s resources or man’s sufficiency but in trusting in Gods power.

David must have looked quite the laughing stock, facing a giant skilled in war with no armor but with just a sling and 5 stones. He surely looked a fool, but David knew that skill, training and armory are not what would give him victory but rather having the Lord of hosts, the Lord of heavens armies with him. His little in God’s hands was more than enough to slay any giant. All he needed was one stone to slay him who terrified the army of Israel. The difference is the army trusted in their skill but David trusted in Gods power.

 “Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ says the LORD of hosts. “ (Zechariah 4:6)

What is in your hand? Stammering lips, inadequate education, poverty, dysfunctional background, shady past, diseased body, unpopular personality, weak demeanor, no connections, just an impossible dream, no skill, no talent, no money, fear, timidity? IT IS ENOUGH.

 Give that to God and he WILL multiply it. He’s simply asking for what you have, not what you don’t have. He will do the rest, it’s HE that has what we need; it’s HE that equips. He simply asks us to GIVE it all to him, even the nothing we have.

Why does he use nothing? Why does he use the “nothings”? That no man may boast; that he may get ALL the GLORY!

“For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But:

God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise;

God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong;

God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are,

SO THAT no human being might boast in the presence of God.” (1 Corinthians 1:26-29)

 In his love,

Mwendwa

 “And the Spirit of the LORD will come on you, and you shall prophesy with them, and shall be turned into another man” (1 Samuel 19:6)

When the spirit of the almighty God takes over a man, the man ceases any longer to be controlled by the things of this world and the things that once controlled him. The power the Holy Spirit gives consumes a man so that all that was no longer is. And the Spirit of the Lord came upon Saul and turned him into another man. Those are powerful words, but this is what the Spirit of the living God does when he comes upon a man, you can never remain the same, you cannot be contained.

1. 1.      The Spirit of God gives a new BOLDNESS

When the Holy Spirit comes upon the believer he comes to give power and Boldness. Empower.

This is the boldness that came over Peter on the day of Pentecost and he who had a few days earlier denied Christ three times , he who was once rash and capricious, was able to stand up and boldly proclaim the message of repentance to the people he once feared. The Holy Spirit had turned him into a new man.

“But Peter, standing with the eleven, lifted up his voice and addressed them: “Men of Judea and all who dwell in Jerusalem, let this be known to you, and give ear to my words” Acts 2:14

1. 2.      The Spirit of God casts out ALL FEAR

This is the power that had possession of Stephen when the mob gathered to kill and intimidate him. Stephens responses were not human, they were not carnal, he was a man fully possessed by the Spirit of God, the mobs screams and threats and cries did not move him, his eyes were fixed, empowered by the Holy Spirit:

“Now when they heard these things they were enraged, and they ground their teeth at him. But he, full of the Holy Spirit, gazed into heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. And he said, “Behold, I see the heavens opened, and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.” But they cried out with a loud voice and stopped their ears and rushed together at him. Then they cast him out of the city and stoned him. (Acts 7:54-58)

“So that we may boldly say, The Lord [is] my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.” Hebrews 13:6

“When I am afraid,
I put my trust in you.
 In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can flesh do to me? (Psalms 56:3-4)

1. 3.      The Spirit of God gives UNWORLDLY PEACE

This is the Power that gives peace when the world is against you, when men misunderstand you, when you are all alone in the midst of darkness. David said it best in this testimony under the power of the Holy Spirit:

“Though an army encamp against me,
my heart shall not fear;
though war arise against me,
yet I will be confident.” Psalms 27:3

“And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, “Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?”Mark 4:41

Jesus said: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid” John 14:27

1. 4.      The Spirit of God gives SUPERNATURAL COURAGE

This is the power that gave Peter and John the courage to stand before the leader of Israel: the rulers and elders and scribes the High priest and the high-priestly family and boldly declare the mystery of Christ, and “Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus.”Acts 4:13

“For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall “Psalms 18:29

“but the people that do know their God shall be strong, and do [exploits].”Daniel 11:32

Remember: “God hath not given us the SPIRIT OF FEAR; but of POWER, and of LOVE, and of a SOUND MIND.” 2 Timothy 1:7

In his love,

Mwendwa

It’s not just words; it’s that inner surrender to his will; a knowing deep inside that true life, true contentment can only come from having his will done in our lives. A realization that only his will can bring true satisfaction .This can only come when we have realized that no good thing can come of the flesh or out of the product of our own striving. This realization brings inner Trust and Confidence in our good heavenly Father.

It’s in human nature to want to make things happen, see things happen and have control over our lives and even Gods great servants Abraham and Sarah were guilty of this when they felt God had taken ‘too long’ in fulfilling his promise of a son to them. After waiting decades for what they so desired, they decide to make it happen and Ishmael happened.

Because waiting was so hard, they decided to make it happen in the FLESH by getting Abraham to sleep with his servant maid Hagar and conceive a child. Hagar bore Ishmael who was simply a product of the flesh, conceived by the efforts of Abraham and Sarah, outside God’s will.

But God will only bless what he has conceived and ordained and he could not bestow upon Ishmael the blessings he had ordained for Isaac because Ishmael was a product of Abraham and Sarah’s own efforts and manipulation and flesh and not Gods promise, Gods Spirit.

And because Ishmael was not Gods will for them, the results of his birth were only chaos, strife and confusion in their lives and marriage. They bore the consequences of their impatience and the work of their flesh.

And still they had to wait another 14 years for Gods promise to them-Isaac- but it was worth the wait. God’s blessings were only linked to the son who would be a product of Gods own doing and plan. Through Isaac Abraham would be a father of many nations as God had promised

It pays to wait on God. He never fails, his way and thoughts are truly higher than ours, for he sees the END from the BEGINNING, he’s always working for the good of those who love and trust him.

It’s all about TRUST. Trusting that truly him who has said “I KNOW the thoughts that I think toward you … thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an EXPECTED END.”(Jeremiah 29:11) means what he has said and shall bring it to pass.

May we learn to wait upon the Lord and refuse to birth any Ishmaels in our lives because we have grown weary in the waiting. Those who wait and endure shall receive what has been promised and they shall rejoice.

“Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart: WAIT, I SAY, ON THE LORD.” Psalms 27:14

“Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame” Psalms 25:3

“And it shall be said in that day, Lo, this [is] our God; we have waited for him, and he will save us: this [is] the LORD; we have waited for him, we will be glad and rejoice in his salvation.”Isaiah 25:9

I pray that the Lord shall give you Joy, Peace and Contentment as you wait upon that which he has promised you and as you seek him for his will in that which you desire. As you wait for him and for his will to come to pass, Do not Fret, Do not Worry, Do not Grow weary, Do not Out ran him. He is working. God never sleeps on the job. “Behold, he that keeps Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.”(Psalms 121:4)

In his love,

Mwendwa

Beloved it is very easy to be prideful and self deceived. The worst deception is that of self deception since it can truly blind us from seeing who we really are, it can deceive us into thinking we are right with God when we are not. Self deception will result from a prideful unbroken spirit filled with self righteousness. Which is why Paul said if you think you are standing, be careful lest you fall. Pride is a subtle thing and can truly blind one from seeing truth and from being humble and broken before the Lord

The Lord says: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? I THE LORD SEARCH THE HEART, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.” (Jeremiah 17:9-10). Only the Lord can truly examine us, we cannot even properly examine our selves without his Spirit. Only the Spirit of the Lord searches out the deep things, all things. HE is the Spirit of truth, he alone knows the mind of God, he knows the Spirit of a man, he alone guides into all truth.

This is the reason Paul says this: “But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or of man’s judgment. In fact, I do not even judge myself. For I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who judges me” (1 Corinthians 4:3-4). It is only the Lord who is the proper judge.

Let us allow the Lord to examine our hearts and reveal to us any hidden thing that may draw us away from him for indeed he has said he shall judge the secrets of men’s hearts. Many shall say to him “Lord Lord” but he shall say “depart, I never knew you”(Matthew 7:21-22), let us allow him to judge us now while there is still time to repent and be made right with him for night is coming when no man shall be able to repent. Midnight is fast approaching.

As we allow the Lord to search us, he will reveal things to us which are not pleasing to him and we must humble ourselves and be willing to be corrected by our father. It’s not easy, he may reveal things we’d rather ignore and pretend aren’t that serious or important, things we may not EVEN want to deal with but rather ignore, but we must humble ourselves for he DISCIPLINES THOSE HE LOVES, that we may not perish. And for those who humble themselves to repent and make their ways right with him and man, he says “but I give more Grace”. “GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE.”(James 4:6)

When we let pride keep us from the chastening and discipline of the Lord he opposes us, but if we humble ourselves no matter how painful it is (for discipline is painful, humbling ourselves is often painful), he promise to give Grace (underserved mercy; pardon; love), he shall pour out Grace to help us do what we need to do, but we must humble ourselves. And when we do; when we submit ourselves under his authority and guidance then he promises to lift us out of the pit of sin and condemnation.

“Now no chastening for the present seems to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yields the PEACEABLE FRUIT OF RIGHTEOUSNESS TO THEM WHICH ARE EXERCISED THEREBY.”(Hebrews 12:11)

“Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.”(James 4:7-10)

God says if we submit ourselves to him we will live! He is our FATHER, he will always guide us into what is true and right, we must yield to his power and leading for his paths only lead to life and peace and righteousness. He disciplines us for OUR OWN GOOD, NOT HIS. “Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: SHALL WE NOT MUCH RATHER BE IN SUBJECTION TO THE FATHER OF SPIRITS, AND LIVE? For they truly for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; BUT HE FOR OUR PROFIT, THAT WE MIGHT BE PARTAKERS OF HIS HOLINESS” (Hebrews 4:9-10)

“Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalms 139:23-24)

“If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chastens not?  But if you be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are you bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection to the Father of spirits, and live? For they truly for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. Now no chastening for the present seems to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to them which are exercised thereby.” (Hebrews12:7-11)

In His Love,

Mwendwa

At times, the Lord may ask us to give up the things that mean most to us because he sees they have become mini gods for us. They may not be bad things, but our attachment to them may not be healthy, they may be drawing us away from him in one way or the other and causing a distraction in our lives. They may have become weights to us keeping us from advancing and breaking through to the next level.

The Rich young man in Luke 18:18-24 was in such a situation. He kept all the commandments. He was living what any of us would call a pretty righteous life, but Jesus loving him, knew that his wealth and possessions had become a hindrance to him because he could not live without them, he had an unhealthy attachment to his possessions. And Jesus proved this when he asked him to give up all his possessions and give them to the poor and follow him,  and the young man walked away sad, choosing to rather be without Jesus than lose his possessions.

Every sacrifice we make to follow God or move higher with God is never really a sacrifice but a chance for life. It may be very painful but Death brings Resurrection into new and abundant life. He’s not trying to take anything from us, but actually GIVE to us more than we can imagine, but the weights must go!

What is keeping you from truly following Jesus and surrendering your all to him? What is it that when you think of giving up, like the rich young ruler you get sad and hesitate to give up for the Lord? Is it a particular friend you know is a hindrance to your walk with God; is it the love of money, is it a comfort zone you’re in?  Is it a sin or bad habit? Whatever it is, the Lord is asking for it today for he does not desire you to be enslaved by anything but him. We cannot serve two masters at the same time. Make the sacrifice today and gain him!

“Let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely ( so easily entangles us), and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us” Hebrews 12:1

“Whoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whoever shall lose his life shall preserve it.”Luke 17:33

There is no resurrection without death!

In His Love,

Mwendwa

God demands all from us, there isn’t one area of our lives we are to exclude from his Lordship and as such throughout our journey of faith he will always test us, always lead us to moments when he says to us ‘GIVE’ and often that which he requires is that which means the most of us.

God promised a son to Abraham and after waiting painfully till he was 100 for that son, God then said to Abraham “ Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.”(Genesis 22:2). So what was this? Does God find some twisted pleasure in giving then taking, in dangling good things before our eyes then taking them quickly away?

The human mind cannot truly comprehend the mind of God especially when it comes to surrender, sacrifice and death. We have to understand that God is never really taking anything from us, but rather wanting to give more than we ever thought we were giving. God must always be first place in our lives, nothing can take his place and often he will test us to see if we love him more than anything, even more than his blessings and promises.

This is the kingdom of God: Death for Life; Giving for Receiving; Losing for Gaining. Those are his principles. He takes first and then he gives, there is always and exchange. And God is never requiring something of us he did not FIRST do, for “He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all..”(Romans 8:34) demonstrated in the first what it means to truly sacrifice and give.

For God did not just merely give any sacrifice, he did not surrender any cheap thing, but gave his best; his only begotten son as a sacrifice for us, the highest act of love. He set the example for us to follow for he requires less than our utmost for him. He asks for ALL.

Surrender of our lives to God is not just giving up sinful habits or our former sinful lives, God does not just require surrender of what is bad, he wants a deeper surrender, giving of all the good we have, giving our desires, dreams, ambitions, all the things and people we treasure, our very lives at his feet as a living sacrifice. It’s called death. We are on a death walk; we must give all to him:

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.”( Luke 14:26)

But he asks in order that he might give. Abraham got his son back, but he got more in return, he left with a deeper walk with God. God tested his heart and found it true. Abraham loved God more than anything God may have promised him and this moved the heart of God. There is never loss when we give to God, only gain. “For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”(Matthew 16: 25)

There can be no resurrection without death. A seed must die for new life to spring forth; there are no shortcuts with God. He asks for our lives as a living sacrifice and out of the ashes of that sacrifice he brings forth resurrected life birthed of him. With every act of surrender God is silently asking us what he asked Simon Peter “Simon, son of Jonas, love you me more than these?”(John 21:15).

The rich young man( Matthew 19) wanted to follow Jesus , he was willing to surrender his sins , this was easy, but asked to surrender his possessions which meant much to him, to Jesus, he found this too high a price to pay and walked away sad. He did not know what surrender really meant and he was not willing to pay the price.

The small boy though in John 6 who had 5 small loves and 2 small fish was willing to give it all away to Jesus and his sacrifice was multiplied until it fed 5,000 and 12 baskets full were left over. Jesus multiplied what he gave.

“Truly, truly, I say to you, except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it stays alone: but if it die, it brings forth much fruit.” (John 12:24)

Surrender is only possible when we truly TRUST in the Lord and KNOW that he has everything under control and his plans and purposes are always best. True surrender has no room for DOUBT and DOUBLE MINDEDNESS, only TRUST and FAITH that all does work together for good!

He gives all, he asks all!

In Jesus,

Mwendwa

I was a pretty happy artistic, energetic child who loved to play, read, write, sing and draw.  Life for me as a child growing up was pretty normal, but by my early teen years, my dad’s drinking had turned him into a full blown alcoholic.  He physically and emotional abused my mother for many years, hitting her on an almost daily basis and accusing her of all manner of things, and calling her all sorts of vulgar names.

Our house was filled with shouting, hitting and quarrelling most of the time, and I did not know what it was like to live in peace.  Because of the abuse she suffered from my father, my mother was mostly always crying, angry, unhappy and very strict with my sister and I.

Depression and suicide

As a result of growing up in such an unstable, chaotic home, I developed very low self esteem, fear, and had no confidence whatsoever. I did not know what peace or true joy meant as I was always sad and miserable. I was scared of people, reserved and withdrawn. I didn’t talk much and did not like to associate with people.  I coped with what was going on at home by shutting myself away from people, not getting close to anyone for fear of being hurt.  I escaped by watching a lot of TV, thinking a lot, writing my journals, daydreaming and reading novels. I coped by escaping into daydreams and fantasies so I could escape the misery I has within my heart and mind. My parent’s problems and fathers alcoholism mae me feel rejected, unloved, unwanted and miserable. I developed depression and suical thoughts by the time I was 12.

I was not really brought up in church.  I always longed to know God, but my ideas about him were of this strict God I could never please who would send me to hell if I wasn’t perfect.  I did not imagine him as a God of love.  When I was nine years old, I had two dreams where the rapture had occurred and I was always full of fear of being left behind when Jesus came and my ending up in hell.

By age 15, I was so hopeless and lost in such darkness that I did not want to live anymore. Life was too unbearable. I was in boarding school by this time in high school I was reserved, shy, awkward, clumsy and loved to stay alone.  Girls in my school called me ‘weird’ and ‘odd’ because of my intense fear and awkwardness.  I also bed wet throughout high school and this made me feel like an even bigger weirdo than they thought I was.  I had body image issues and hated everything about myself. Life was so unbearable for me, I had such self hatred and self pity that death was the only viable option for me.

At age 15 in my second year in high school I tried to commit suicide by taking a huge bunch of pills – hoping to overdose and escape the hell I was living in at home.  Luckily I did not die, and out of a fear of going to hell, I did not attempt suicide seriously again but felt stuck living while I desired and wanted to die.

My father’s suicide and more hopelessness

When I was 16, my father tried to kill my mother one night, and the next day after intervention from my mother’s sisters and brother, they were separated.  We moved to a smaller house which my mother could afford.  I only saw my dad once more six months later in December, 1998 when he came to visit us, but I was filled with such anger and hatred for him that I showed him contempt and did not want to be in the house while he was there. I remember leaving and coming up late when I was sure he would be back, I met with him on the road when he was leaving and we stayed awkward goodbyes like strangers. Little did I know this would be my last time to see him alive.

Six months later in May 1999 when I was 17, my father committed suicide.  I was in my last year of high school, and my mind was in such torment that I’m surprised I managed to finish high school and pass my exams. My father’s suicide totally messed me up and made my already dark state of mine worse. I blamed myself and suffered guilt for the many times I was rude to my father and the hatred I had for him I turned the grief inwards and grew even more hateful of myself and life in general.

My first three years of college went by in a blur.  They were miserable years.  I got involved in a relationship where I was introduced to alcohol and sex.  Then I got pregnant at 20 and had an abortion. All these problems and sins were mixed up with my depression and my life was a living hell. All along I had wanted to be a good person but I found myself always self destructing and ding the very things I hated and it’s like I could not control myself and stop my sinful habits. I continued to struggle with more mental issues such as OCB (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), bulimia (an eating disorder) and more anxiety.  I visited many different places for counseling and therapy, but I never really got any help for my depression.

I was constantly suicidal after the abortion and had a great fear of death and going to hell.  Fear had so taken over my life that I was scared of leaving the house even to go to college.  I would shut myself in the house for days with all the curtains drawn, filled with misery.  I would drink secretly in my room to numb the pain, but it only made things worse.  Once I drank so much alcohol that I collapsed and was rushed to a hospital where I was admitted for two days on alcoholic poisoning.

I had always wanted to live for God but it was always so hard for me to make the decision because I felt so unworthy. One day in January 2003, after months of wanting to get right with God, sitting at home alone, I switched the channel to Christian TV and after watching three shows.  I repeated the prayer they said after the program and gave my life to Christ.

Falling back into darkness

In the year and a half to come I joined a church and focused on serving God and pleasing him.  I gave myself to fully serving God in various ministries in the church.  My life finally had peace and true joy.  Everybody noticed the change in me because I was no longer sad and withdrawn.  My mum and sister started attending church once in a while because of me.

However, the change was short-lived.  I began again to struggle with depression and insecurity, and instead of staying close to God and looking to him for comfort, I walked away from him and drowned myself in self pity and gave in to the feelings I had of unworthiness and inadequacy and low self esteem. Shutting myself away from God and church and all the church friends I had and isolating myself opened the door for more depression and with time I found myself back to my old ways of thinking and soon  I met up with an old friend and I ended up pregnant.  I lost 25 pounds while pregnant because of depression and made two half-hearted suicide attempts. This was the worst period of my life. I went through worse misery than I ever had. I had disappointed myself, God and my family and it was too much for me to handle. But I had made up my mind to keep my baby and suffer the consequences of my actions. I hardly ate the whole time I was pregnant.  My body was weak; I became very thin and was filled with such severe hopelessness.

Being a new mom, with severe mental health issues, no confidence, depression and a lot of anger and bitterness at life and all my mistakes, despite having wanted always to be a ‘good’ responsible girl, was not something easy for me.  Being a mom did not come naturally because I had always secluded myself into this world where I was always alone, and it was difficult to now deal with having an innocent, helpless life be my responsibility.  It took years for me to finally be at home and at ease with being a mom with God’s help. I had damaged emotions, trust issues, painful wounds, bitterness, anger and it made it difficult for me to easily transition to being a care taker of an innocent life but I loved my baby and the Lords grace was with me.

My mother was also struggling with her own identity as a widow and alcohol seemed to be her only comfort.  Added to it having to support me, jobless and with a child was not easy for her.  It was very strenuous to our relationship since we both had bitterness and so much anger, and a feeling of receiving the short end of the stick in life. 

I finally was referred to a psychiatrist by my aunt because she saw I needed the help.  I couldn’t function.  I was always tired and disoriented. Even after I got a job it was so tough for me to function because of the severe clinical depression I had. My mind was cloudy and dark and I was always sad and suicidal and hopeless. The doctor prescribed anti-depressants for me, but I did not take them long because of the side effects.

In the years to come, I would get into many wrong relationships, make friends with the wrong kind of people because I was lonely, go out to clubs with my new ‘friends’  – something I never did before – started drinking quite often, got addicted to wine, tried smoking weed, and tried getting into all manner of stuff to get peace.  I even thought at some point that I may be a lesbian and sought this lifestyle out. I begun to hang out with gay ladies, went to strip clubs and did all manner of things I had previously never considered, I was searching for identity everywhere and never found it. This lifestyle didn’t give me what I desired but left me even more troubled and guilt filled. I tried to find identity and purpose from horoscopes, personality profiles, through my writing gift etc, but even after trying all there was to try … I still felt lonely and alone, and I did not fit in anywhere.

My life was a big mess. I did my best to be a good mom to my daughter, because I did not want her to feel the same rejection I’d felt all my life, but being depressed and sad all the time, I could not really be a good mother to her. I knew only the Lord Jesus could help me but I was so dejected and guilty at how far I had wandered from him that I did not think he could take me back, I had written myself of but he never did.

At the age of 27, I started to lose my mind completely.  I was so tired, often sick, fatigued, hopeless and begging God daily to let me die.  I knew if I didn’t make things right with God, I probably would end up dead for sure. I didn’t have much of life left.  I was so frustrated with my life; I had no peace.  I started seeing a psychiatrist again because I was at my end.  He diagnosed me as severely clinically depressed and also having social anxiety and put me on drugs.  But I could feel God tell me it’s him I needed, and I could keep medicating and drinking but I would never have peace. By this time I was even drinking while at work during my lunch break in an effort to numb all the pain within.

After years of rejecting God and trying to fix my life on my own … I couldn’t run any more. On July 7^th, 2009 a normal day, I went home and put my daughter to sleep.  I just felt the conviction of the Lord so strong that night, that I knew it was time to make things right.  The lord had been pursuing me so fervently. I would be in clubs and in sin and I would hear the Holy Spirit of God speak to me to come back to God, the Lords voice and conviction of my sinfulness and need for him had become so strong that I couldn’t deny it anymore. Right there in my bedroom that night, crying like a baby, I confessed my sins, cried out to him for mercy and grace and help and rededicated my life back to Jesus.  I knew right then my past was over and there would be no turning back.  

The Bible says,  ”If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9).

That night I cried out to God sincerely and he heard me. Like the prodigal son in Luke 15, I came to the end of myself and went back to my Father, and he received me with joy and rejoicing. When I woke up the next morning, I felt brand new, it hard to explain what the Lord did for me when I cried out to him in sincerity for the next morning, my mind was brand new, all my addictions and lusts and desires for sin and perversion were gone, the Lord delivered me instantly as he promises in his word. I never went back to doing the things I did before. It was his power not mine, Lord knows how many times I had desired and made promises to myself not to drink or commit sin before and how miserably id failed, I was a slave to sin and Satan, but that night when I called on the Lord from my heart he delivered me from all psychiatrists, counselors, my own efforts, friends, never could. He did it by his power and might! Nothing is too hard for God! Nobody is too hopeless and sinful for God.

 “He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and mire.” (Psalms 40:2)

I started slowly working again on my relationship with God and leaning on his eternal love for me.  He delivered me from my fear and depression and suicidal thoughts.  I eventually went back to the very same church where I had served and fallen and humbled myself to seek the Lord and follow him and love him all the days of my life. I got back into serving in the Lord again. His gifts and calling are irrevocable. The call he had for my life never was taken away it was I that had walked away from him.  I love serving the Lord and ministering to people.  I am a Teenagers teacher at my church as I love preaching Gods word. I have an outreach ministry to the poor and looking forward to more opportunities to preach the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ and his power to save and deliver!

The Lord has also over time confirmed my call to preach his gospel and see people come to the saving knowledge of Christ and experience his deliverance and freedom. I am truly grateful to him for taking my messed up life and using it for his glory. Truly his word is true when he says “God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God” (1 Corinthians 1:27-30).

I also love writing for the Lord as an outreach and encouragement tool.  God has given me a special love for the brokenhearted, rejected, unloved, cast aside and hurt because that was my experience.  I know there is healing for any situation we have gone through in Christ and I am open to sharing that love and provision to all.  God has made my mess my message.My aim is always to share Christ’s love, forgiveness, healing, hope and encouragement and expresses his Grace and Love in what I write.

Healing is a process but when we surrender our lives to the Lord and believe in his word and give it all to him then he truly does make us into a new creation in Christ. Knowing God has accepted and forgiven me, I cannot walk with my head held low, he has washed the past in the blood of the lamb and sometimes I actually can’t remember the things I did before or even relate them to myself, truly the lord does make all things new! He can do the same for you.  There are so many burdens in my heart for the lost and the hurting, and I know that everything I’ve gone through God shall use for his glory in turning many to him. I know that everything I’ve gone through is for a purpose. He works all things together for good for those who Love him! Glory to God.

Your situation is not too hard for God, nothing is! He died to save sinners, he came for the sick and lost. He never casts away anyone who comes to him. Wont you give your life to him today. He loves you and has been waiting for you all along, he does not condemn but saves! God has taken my fears and hopelessness away and given me new life, and he will do the same for you if you let him, no matter what you have done.  He is no respecter of persons.

The word of God says in 1 John 3:8 that “For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil.” The enemy comes to steal kill and destroy but Jesus came that you may have life in abundance. Trust him today, he will turn it all around for good and grant you to have eternal life after this life is over!

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold all things are become new …” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1)

If you would like to contact me, my email is: “(hisgrace82@gmail.com

In his Love,

Mwendwa

When the spirit of the almighty God takes over a man, the man ceases any longer to be controlled by the things of this world and the things that once controlled him. The power the Holy Spirit gives consumes a man so that all that was no longer is. And the Spirit of the Lord came upon Saul and turned him into another man. Those are powerful words, but this is what the Spirit of the living God does when he comes upon a man, you can never remain the same, you cannot be contained.

1.    The Spirit of God gives a new BOLDNESS

When the Holy Spirit comes upon the believer he comes to give power and Boldness. Empower.

This is the boldness that came over Peter on the day of Pentecost and he who had a few days earlier denied Christ three times , he who was once rash and capricious, was able to stand up and boldly proclaim the message of repentance to the people he once feared. The Holy Spirit had turned him into a new man.

“But Peter, standing with the eleven, lifted up his voice and addressed them: “Men of Judea and all who dwell in Jerusalem, let this be known to you, and give ear to my words” Acts 2:14

2.    The Spirit of God casts out ALL FEAR

This is the power that had possession of Stephen when the mob gathered to kill and intimidate him. Stephens responses were not human, they were not carnal, he was a man fully possessed y the Spirit of God, the mobs screams and threats and cries did not move him, his eyes were fixed, empowered by the Holy Spirit:

“Now when they heard these things they were enraged, and they ground their teeth at him. But he, full of the Holy Spirit, gazed into heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. And he said, “Behold, I see the heavens opened, and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.” But they cried out with a loud voice and stopped their ears and rushed together at him. Then they cast him out of the city and stoned him. (Acts 7:54-58)

“So that we may boldly say, The Lord [is] my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.” Hebrews 13:6

“When I am afraid,
I put my trust in you.
 In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can flesh do to me? (Psalms 56:3-4)

3.     The Spirit of God gives UNWORLDLY PEACE

This is the Power that gives peace when the world is against you, when men misunderstand you, when you are all alone in the midst of darkness. David said it best in this testimony  under the power of the Holy Spirit:

“Though an army encamp against me,
my heart shall not fear;
though war arise against me,
yet I will be confident.” Psalms 27:3

“And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, “Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?”Mark 4:41

Jesus said: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid” John 14:27

4.    The Spirit of God gives SUPERNATURAL COURAGE

This is the power that gave Peter and John the courage to stand before the leader of Israel: the rulers and elders and scribes the High priest and the high-priestly family and boldly declare the mystery of Christ, and “Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus.”Acts 4:13

“For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall “Psalms 18:29

“but the people that do know their God shall be strong, and do [exploits].”Daniel 11:32

Remember: “God hath not given us the SPIRIT OF FEAR; but of POWER, and of LOVE, and of a SOUND MIND.” 2 Timothy 1:7

 In Jesus,

Mwendwa